Mommy’s Diary 32 (Daddy’s Diary 5)

You can tell that I’m slacking off the blogging? I’ve been overworked the past couple of weeks, so again, I’m asking Andy to write a Daddy’s diary here. I hope you enjoy! 🙂  Here is Andy.

In the gospel according to John, Jesus often remarks about his exclusive ability to be the protector, savior and leader of his people. For example, John 14:1-2 “Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. ²My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you?” Really, all of John 14 is about Jesus making deliverable promises to his disciples, his followers, his loved ones. That is fatherly care! Jesus states to those who are His, that he can, He is able, He will do.

In contrast, as I look at my daughter joyfully crawling on the floor looking up at me with a her love, affection and trust I realize that I can offer her no assurance in and of myself. I cannot tell her what will happen next in her life or mine. I cannot tell her things will be wonderful always. I cannot tell her that I will be here tomorrow. I cannot tell her even that daddy will always be a good daddy and love her. I know myself and I know how very insufficient I am. It breaks my heart but as I think about her life in the years ahead there will be much that I have to watch and let her experience on her own because I have no ability to help her with it. She will not be loved by everyone, perhaps not even by most people. She will be hated unfairly, bullied, lied to, rejected, hurt in physical and emotional ways. I can prevent none of this from happening. I can offer her no assurance whatsoever and it breaks my heart.  I can try as hard as I can to be absolutely definitive about one thing or another, but… I know that at the end of the day all I can say is what James says in James 4:15 “You ought to say, ‘If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.’

Father, please give my daughter what I cannot and Christ through your Spirit give and do for her and with her what I cannot. Lord, I love this child more than life itself, be to her what you are to me and be a better father to her than I can ever be. Forgive me my infinite failures and give me the grace necessary for this task of loving this child which is not ultimately mine. This is your child, let me love what you have given to me because she is with me only for a time. Kiko is my beloved gift and responsibility but is your daughter eternally.