Hello Ladies,
If any men read this blog please forgive my chauvinism, but I assume its a mostly female readership. My lovely wife and I recently had a spirited discussion on the topic of discipline. The background for this is that a friend on Chie’s recently commented that now that their child has reached 1 year old she will now begin to think about “disciplining” her child. Chie told me this and asked what my opinion was concerning the discipline matter. Now, Chie knows my thoughts better than anyone and ultimately she knew what my opinion would be on but she (and I as well) find it very helpful to very concretely talk out loud with one another about our individual and corporate thoughts on a parenting topics. Ultimately, we agree on this which is very good. Readers what do you think on the issue of “Discipline”?. “Disciple” can be a highly contentious topic but that is good, it means we all love our kids and are trying to do our best by them.
In any case here are my thoughts…. When I use the word discipline, the idea of “training” comes to mind. In contrast,when other people use the word discipline images of “punishment” come to mind. Being a contentious person I find that the majority of people are wrong. What does discipline mean? Discipline means simply training to act in accordance with the rules. Discipline is a method, it is a way, it is training. Punishment on the other hand is a penalty given for an offense. Discipline is the broader term and encompasses punishment. Discipline is a way, punishment is an act.
Having worked with kids for 15 or more years now and having recently made my own 🙂 I have come to see the real need to understand the difference between these 2 concepts. Discipline is a positive thing that should (in an ideal world) happen all day, everyday. We as parents have the God given responsibility to, as Proverbs 22:6 says, “train a child up”. We discipline children, we teach children, we train children in the correct ways they should behave, think, live etc..This discipline/teaching/training should happen proactively before there is a a problem which requires the act of punishment. That being said, in the real world discipline includes the act of punishment as a response to a childs offense but, discipline is not summed up by the act of punishment. It is quite important to really grasp this because if not then we have a situation like Chie and discussed where a parent(s) see that a child has reached a certain an age and at that point “discipline can begin.” This a backwards way of thinking about discipline. If you discipline proactively, you have a hell of a lot less need for responsive acts of punishment. The tot even ( if disciplined correctly) at 6 mo, 1year, whatever age, has been actively taught about the good and the bad, the wright and the wrong and knows the lay of the land at a basic level. They are less accustomed to living as tiny tyrants because they have been positively and proactively disciplined from jump street.
I don’t like to think of discipline in a negative light. It is a wholly positive thing. Even punishment is not a bad thing. Punishment is a righteous thing that happens because of a bad thing. Punishment itself is not inherently bad. We discipline to teach the correct ways of life thought and action. We discipline to train and to keep kids from doing/thinking unrighteous things. We discipline children before a sin and we punish children after they have actively done a bad thing. The aim of discipline should be to avoid the need for punishment in the first place. Of course this is not possible because of the fallen world in which we live but nonetheless that is the aim. I currently receive (and have always received) discipline so as to live more righteously. I am punished routinely for my many indiscretions (as well I should be) and the same goes for my little pig, Kiko.
I will give an example which came up recently. Kiko is very outgoing, talkative and happy. She has recently learned she has voice that she can use at various volumes. For the past couple of weeks at around 6am she will start squealing/singing at a horrible obnoxious volume for no reason. She is neither hungry nor sleepy so must being doing it just because she can. This irritates our house as well as every neighbor within the blast radius, thus it needed to be stopped. I started the process of ending this habit rather stupidly. When she would screech I would punish her by yelling “Shut up pig!!!” I soon realized this is useless, dumb and wrong. She doesn’t understand the problem and my loud voice is probably more irritating that hers. So, I stopped and thought how can I discipline her effectively? She does’t need to be punished, but she does disciplined. She needs to learn to shut up her piggy face at this time of the morning.
So, in order to do discipline correctly, I had to get my feeble brain off “discipline is punishment” mode to “discipline is training” mode. I don’t know exactly what goes on in my baby’s head but I do know that noise is made to get attention. This is not necessarily a bad thing in and of itself but it needs to controlled. I also know that if I put Kiko in a secluded place for a minute she becomes very quiet. I assume this happens because she doesn’t see anyone else and therefore has no one to screech at. So, for the past 4 or 5 days in the morning when her screeching would start I would isolate her for a bit till she quieted down and then bring her back into the room with Chie and I. If she would scream, I would isolate her again. After 4 or 5 days of this, the morning screeching has finally stopped and now Chie and I can have our friggin breakfast in peace without the horrible sounds of the pig squealing.
Discipline is training not discipline is punishment. It works much better this way!
My basic feeling on the matter is that if you look at “discipline is punishment” as a parent then you will become a parent that uses both discipline and punishment incorrectly. You will be limiting discipline merely to punishment and thus will not be actively teaching your child. You will be using the holy concept of disciple as a tool of vengeance. Our Heavenly Father disciple’s and punishes us. This is for our benefit and for our betterment (Hebrew 12:9), we should do likewise.
Wow this was long and preachy, not my original intention but I wrote this while sitting outside on a warm summer evening whilst enjoying a whiskey and cigarette. I started writing a short entry and ended up on my soap box. Sorry about that! Readers, what are your thoughts on this whole discipline topic? What does the term mean in your way of thinking and in your way of parenting? How do you disciple your current kids or how do you plan to discipline your future kids?
Andy
Read Daddy’s Diary 1 & 2 here
