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every day life

The Unexpected Side Benefits

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Adoption/Foster care update:
In addition to the group courses, we had four home visits and two sessions for psychological evaluations for foster care and adoption registration respectively. All of them went well, but what pleasantly surprised me was the benefits they had on my relationship with Andy.  We were asked many questions during these sessions. The topics included our reasons for adoption/foster care, how we met, how many kids we want in total, what is our take on disciplining children, how we plan on caring for Kiko after a new child comes into our life, whether we drink, what we like about each other, what we don’t like about each other… There were more questions, and I don’t remember what they were, but I was glad that Andy and I had previously talked about all the questions they asked us. Also, by answering the questions and verbalizing my thoughts, it made me reminisce and adore the memories of the time I first met Andy, getting engaged and married. It made me realize that I married the love of my life and now we are trying to build a family together. It made me really happy!

I Love Flea Market

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A couple of Saturday’s ago, I took Kiko to a nearby library. They were doing a puppet show for kids. I brought her assuming she would enjoy herself, which she did. Serendipitously, it happened that on the same day the library was also having a book flea market. They were selling used books for 10 yen a piece! That’s 10 cents. I got even more excited when I saw these old sewing books from 80’s and fashion school text books used by Bunka Fashion College. I got seven books in total for 70 yen. 🙂

Mommy’s Diary: More Courses to Attend

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Pictures from Tama Zoo we visited on Labor Day

I haven’t updated here on our adoption/foster care processes, but we actually made quite a bit progress over the summer! We attended a bunch of meetings and foster care group courses. We also got the chance to visit an orphanage.

I wrote about our first group course here. The second one was held a month later, and of course, it was on Sunday. I feel like every event  falls on Sundays, which is a problem for us since we attend church on Sundays. But considering that the Child Guidance Center offers these courses that are required for hopeful foster parents only twice a year, we just had to do it when they were offered.

After the first group course I came home terribly depressed and sad because the meeting revolved around the issue of foster parent abuse. It saddened me to think of these children and made me really consider what is necessary for me not to become an abuser like these other people.  Thankfully, after the last two meetings, I came home encouraged because the topics were generally more pleasant and revolved around various exciting child raising possibilities. After these meetings, I felt very secure that we could be suitable foster parents. Still though, there was a feeling of irritation I could not quite shake.

During these latter two meetings, we had chances to spend time getting to know other couples who wanted to be foster parents. We had a group discussion times where we could share our thoughts on the study materials, ask questions and and reveal concerns. This is from where my irritation stems. I noticed that many couples had personal, marital and relationship issues that need to be dealt with before they should consider enter the foster care program. Three out of five couples who attended the courses said they are thinking of foster care only because they could not have their biological children. What saddened me was that the wives were so desperate, they’ve probably tried fertility treatments for years (I’m guessing because they seemed older, 40s or maybe in 50s), but the husbands were so indifferent and distant. One guys said he wasn’t even sure if he wanted to do this, but his wife forced him into attending the courses. The other guy said he only needed a child for inheritance purposes. Inheritance?! Are you Bill Gates?! What do you have thats so wonderful?! At another meeting with these same couples we had a chance to visit inside an orphanage. Te husbands spent their time outside smoking, uninterested and uncaring. Why would anyone give these people children?

If that’s the reality of the foster care in Japan, I’m heart broken. The kids might be better off staying at the orphanage with government supplied care takers.