mama series

How was your Labor Day? I planned on going to the beach (even made a bathing suit for the baby for the occasion!), but the weather didn’t look good so we decided against the idea. It turned out that it didn’t rain so we could have gone to the beach, but oh well. We went to a zoo instead. There is a free zoo in Kawasaki, called “Yumemigasaki zoo“. It’s closed to my dad’s office, so we stopped by to say hello to him then head to the zoo.

It was fun, and Kiko really enjoyed the squirrel monkies, the kind that’s yellow, small and jumps around a lot. She was laughing out loud as if that’s the funniest thing she’s ever seen!

I’ve wrote in the past that being a mom makes me feel all kinds of emotions that I had not experienced. I wrote in my diary 15 that I got angry at Kiko. Another emotion that I find myself often experience since becoming a mother is guilt. I had not felt guilty much before having her. But now I often find myself feeling guilty.

I feel guilty for not spending enough time with my baby. I went back to work full time a couple of weeks ago. After working for 8 hours, I’m only left with a couple of hours before Kiko goes to bed at 7pm. I try to make a best of it. I play with her, bath her, feed her and put her to bed. But often I’m left with feeling guilty for not being with her for a whole day.

After a couple of weeks of working and feeling guilty, I felt exhausted. I have all these things that I want to cram into in my to-do list for a day, and there is no way I accomplish all that. I talked to my friend, who is a mother of 5 year old. She goes to school full time and her daughter is in a daycare while she is in school. She has about two hours with her daughter before she goes to bed. I asked her if she ever feels guilty, and she said she doesn’t, she just takes it as it is. I think her answer kind of freed me up… I should take the best of situation that’s given to me.

The other kind of guilt I’ve been feeling is something I would never get over. I love my daughter to death. She is so sweet, she makes me smile and I can’t even think of a life before her or without her. But I love myself much more than I love Kiko, and it was so sad to have realized that. I care so much more about myself than I care about Kiko. Not until I became a mother, had I not realized how sinful and selfish I (or we human beings) am, and I always have to ask forgiveness for that..

Moms, do you ever feel guilty? How do you deal with that kind of emotion?

I can’t believe it’s already September. I’m really hoping to hit the beach one more time before the weather cools down. I’m thinking of going on the Labor Day, but it sounds like a typhoon is coming this weekend. I really hope it will go away soon!

Sewing Kiko a bathing suit was in my sewing to-do list for this week. I whipped this up pretty quickly and love the look of it on her.

Since I didn’t have time to go buy fabric for this mini project, I recycled one of my old bathing suits. I wore this when I was 19. I love polk-a-dots, but this colorful polk-a-dot is a bit too young for me now that I am 27. I didn’t use a pattern for the bikini top part. I cut out two triangles 3″ each. I added the neck straps and sewed on the rectangle band that goes around her under bust.

For the pants, I used one of Kiko’s bloomers as a guide. Then I sewed the elastic bands around the holes where the legs come out. I had an extra rectangle fabric piece so I decided to make a matching headband 🙂 I wanted to make her a hat to cover her pale skin, but, I didn’t have enough fabric.

Unfortunately this is not the best quality item I’ve made, because I do not have the appropriate ballpoint needle. You need a ballpoint needle to sew really stretchy fabric like bathing suits fabric. So I had to improvise and use a needle for regular stretch fabrics. It worked OK, but sometimes the stitches skipped.

By the way, Kiko never really smiles in front of the camera…She spends most of the day laughing and smiling, but when I try to capture that on film, she freezes.. Very sad. Unfortunately, in most of her photos she looks grumpy or confused.

I really hope I get to go to the beach or even the pool this weekend! Kiko will outgrow this bathing suit by this time next year and I really really hope to make use of it before its too late. Wish me a luck 🙂

It has been four months since Kiko came into my life. The time has gone so, so quickly!

But, enough reminiscing, on to the topic at hand. I’ve heard that a woman can lose a significant amount of hair 2-3 months after giving birth. Apparently, this is because of some hormonal change. One of my friends told me that she lost her hair like a shedding dog. I heard about it, but wasn’t really believing it until now. I assumed it would not be a problem for me, because I have (or had) hair which is super thick hair so losing some would actually be good for me. I was wrong! I’m losing so much hair, it’s crazy! When I wash my hair, the drain gets clogged with hair. I sweep the floor every morning because I see my hair all over the place! And sadly, I found a bald spot on the front side of my forehead.

Look (see arrow).

So to hide my bald spot, I cut my bangs a bit shorter than usual and let it hang. I prefer to have long bangs, so long it almost mixes with my back hair. That way I can put all my hair up when I put it in a bun. It helps to combat the heat and humidity in Japan Summer. But my bald spot kept growing so I had no choice but to cut my bangs.

I’m also trying not to put my hair on pony tail or bun too much so it’s not always pulling the hair thereby making the balding process worse. As a result I did some hair experimentation and I came up with this braided hair style that does the job of looking o.k. and hiding the baldness! I really like the result! It is similar to Milk Maid braids, but it takes less time in my opinion. I get this done in less than two minutes and it perfectly hides my bald spot 🙂

1. Braid your hair from the top of your hair all the way to the end. Secure the end with a small elastic band.
2. Bring the braid all the way to the top of your head like a head band. Using pins of your hair color, secure the braid around your head.
3. Wear a headband to hide the end of the braid 🙂