Happy New Year! Many men ring in the new year with drunkenness and debauchery, others with time spent in holy reflection at church. Andy however, sits in the Vivat Veritas lab sporting a nice new DUNCE cap! My first day of working through the bad boy Burda behemoth bible (Andy you English genius! Master of alliteration!) was a titanic and mythical success. Not only did I read the first few pages with no problem, I was even able to slyly and coolly write about my exploits into the sewing world. I was truly a King among men (or at least among Michael Korsesque men).
But then…Day 2. I tried to transfer my ever increasing knowledge of notions, sewing space and flat surfaced pattern drafting areas onto BS’s (both meanings are indeed meant) hands on with the sewing machine experience. I was set, I had time, I had a quite house with a sleeping baby, I was locked, loaded and ready to thread my bobbin and sew using both correct all-purpose needle and all-purpose zipper footses. Then, sadly then, I sat in front of the beast herself, that unforgiving task master known as Chie’s sewing machine and engaged in a battle I could not win. We struggled for hours, and I ended in tears having lost a life and death struggle to MAKE….THE…..DAMN…..THING…….WORK!!!!! Sadly, my years of education and my years of boxing training were no match for that vicious beast from Hell. I could not thread my bobbin correctly, nor could I thread the needle in an appropriate amount of time (it took me 30 minutes). I, for all my desire, could not even conceive of how the bobbin thread should run through the face plate. I drank heavily that night knowing that Chie would soon come and mercilessly mock, scorn and ridicule me. True to form my loving wife upon he arrival home proceeded to, with not an ounce of sympathy, do the “Andy is a moron” dance in conjunction with the “Andy is a moron” song. I now know the pain of generals defeated in war. It was a sad night.
Perhaps the most neutering experience is yet to come. Tonight, I will sit with Chie and have basic sewing setup skills taught to me. I am in the remedial class. I have failed day 2 and now must have a personalized program to catch me up. On tonight’s plate is 1)Bobbin threading, 2)Needle threading, 3)Pushing appropriate levers and buttons (whatever the hell that is officially called) and sewing my first straight/curved lines.
After much scolding, yelling, swearing and crying I have completed the assigned duties. You can all see photo evidence of my remedial class completion. Chie kept repeating (while she hit me) “This is for your own good dummy!”
Ladies, will the shame and failure end? Those of you have learned how to sew, when does the joy begin? When, as Allison says, will I take pleasure in sewing spaces and when oh when will I take fabric pieces and form them into something resembling a garment?
Off to bed now to lick my wounds and pray for an end to my misery!
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My Inspiration Board for Wedding Photo Shoot
Clare S says
Oh dear, poor Andy! Much as I want to be supportive, I did laugh … quite a lot. I am going to have to get my boyfriend to read this, then he might understand how difficult this sewing lark is!
Keep it up, Andy – we all start somewhere, and first encounters with sewing machines are pretty scary stuff! I remember one of my first moments of sewing joy – it was when I first managed to thread the machine from memory. It’s a small victory, but a good one. Also, sewing your first seam and pressing it open and finding that, hey, this is starting to look like clothes/cushions/bags/etc! Good luck!
Tia says
Andy,
How the mighty have fallen. No seriously, I love reading your sewing experiences. Many of us, myself included have gone through the same things. At least you have your lovely, whip-cracking, wife there for guidance. I’ve been learning on Youtube. You can imagine the frustration I’ve had going back and forth between the cursed sewing machine and my laptop to press rewind or replay over and over again. Keep your head up. It does get better..Eventually.
Tia
keogan says
i can’t wait to see your etsy clothing collection: styles by andy. i think the group of red scraps and white thread you have going on now is a pretty good start, haha! good luck…imagine how triumphant you will feel when you have sewn your very first throw pillow or make-up bag!
Ai says
pretty hilarious post of andy 😀 ill be looking for your husbands post for sure chie.
chelsea says
this is so hilarious and sweet. chie, you picked a winner.
Chie says
I guess I did!! Lol
Esther Stuedli-Miller says
BWHAHAHAH!!! I’m totally going to share this with my husband (I taught him to sew, too). Best of luck with your exploits! My hubby isn’t so great at his skills yet, but he enjoys experimenting and is ambitious (too ambitious at times – I do a lot of leaning over his shoulder and answering questions when I should be working on my own projects). Love the pics, especially the last one (done that one once or twice myself :). Anyway, I hope you have some fun in these ventures and applaud you on being brave enough to share your experiences in this very public forum!